Most people value genuinely loving relationships in which they can give themselves out completely, body and soul. They always want those relationships to go according to the ideals of human dignity and, while Christians would also want them to be integrated into the overall happiness that God wants for all of us in this life. And chastity is, in fact, the thing that incorporates all those ideals that we value so deeply.
Before we delve into chastity in Christianity and what impact it’s had on the modern world I want to first explain exactly what chastity is and how it’s vitally important outside of traditional marriage.
What is chastity
Chastity can be rightfully viewed as the complete integration of sexuality within the person which in turn creates the inner unity of man with his bodily and spiritual aspects. The main idea of chastity within the context of marriage is the pursuit of permanent, exclusive, and faithful love between a man and a woman, both body and soul, sexual and spiritual. And for those who are single, it will be celibacy, so that we, in our love for one another, would not misuse the gift of sexuality.
Chastity is also important outside the marriage
It is quite a popular mistake to consider chastity with all its ideals only to be important within marriage, or that it is especially beneficial in marriage. All people will live at least some part of their lives being single, while others will always remain single. They can be called to single life by God, or maybe they won't be able to find a partner in the current sexual chaos and confusion within our culture. And yet, regardless of that, all people are called to chastity. What's more, we crave for chastity, and for the integration of sexuality in all of its forms within our person.
Struggles of chastity in the modern world
However, right now we live in a type of culture that can make it very difficult for most people to live into those ideals of chastity. There are impermanent marriages wherever we look, personal loyalties that tend to be problematically divided more often than not, and a lot of unfaithful spouses and friends. Sexuality is being misused, not just in singleness, but also within marriages, and in ways that are selfish, abusive, and that does not honor God. There are not too many good examples around us of people living chastely and, so, it is easy to end up despising the ideal and call chastity oppressive and naïve. We end up resenting the ideal because we lack the strength in ourselves and have little community support to obtain what we desire. Most aspects of modern popular culture, be it songs, TV shows, movies, or celebrities, all reflect back to us and by doing so encourage our collective disappointment in chastity.
Misconceptions about chastity
All of the misconceptions people have about this virtue are of course responsible for some of the scorning of chastity we see right now. But some of those distorted views about chastity are motivated, in part, by self-deception about the good, as it is so much easier to simply reject and despise anything that seems foolish at first. One of the most common misconceptions is that chastity is something purely negative, and it revolves only around not having sex. While it is actually true that during singleness and sometimes in marriage it is right and appropriate to abstain from sex, abstinence is not the heart of chastity. And it couldn’t be, because abstinence, as it is, does not express any kind of virtue. Abstaining from sex can be just a result of two people delaying the satisfaction of their sexual desires until the first opportunity arises. And what's more, sexual abstinence is only about what the people are not doing, but not what they should be doing. People need to take positive actions to truly convey their love for one another. Chastity allows them to love one another in such a way that will be in accord with their common dignity, as chaste persons possess full control of their sexual desires as opposed to those desires being in control of them.
Chastity as a reverence
To put it simply, chastity can become a sort of reverence, since a chaste person will always revere and respect their loved one by making certain that before they have sex, both of them have a common aim. That aim is a marriage commitment in which the mutual goal will be the gift of self to the other spouse. When people will use virtue in such a way to do good for one another, they won't be acting solely on exchanging desires and feelings, but instead on their responsibility to helping their spouse attain the good and honor God.
Chastity should become a habit of the will and not a momentary feeling so that it could give us the power to refuse to have sex outside of the sacred relationship of marriage and to also refuse sex inside that relationship in case it does not develop the unity of the spouses. It should also encourage us to embrace the sex that can express and sustain married love. In both of these contexts - the single life and the married one - chastity allows us to love the people around us with purity. It will not have the power to prevent each of your disagreements or fill your life with pure joy. But what it can do is combine the sexual longings and the commitment to love the other person through everything that life can bring.
Conclusion
What makes chastity a virtue is a fact that it calls people, as sexual beings, to embrace and honor themselves as beings created in the image of God that have to honor Him through their actions. That includes how we have sex and how we abstain from it. And it also allows us to revere other people for the sake of their own good and overall happiness. So when we really think about it, deep down this loving respect for ourselves and the people around us is what we all desire, and it would be such a shame to keep being confused about chastity and continue to despise it.
